Life's Lessons

When I was a kid, I learned some lessons of life. Don't run with the scissors. Don't stick your fingers in the fan. Don't play with matches. Don't put your finger in the lamp socket. Look both ways before crossing a street. The list goes on. When I went to school, a lesson I learned was that if you look different, your peers will bully you. When I got to college, I learned that if you major in Theatre, some people will assume you are gay. When I went to seminary, I learned that if you are the least bit different, some people will think you are possessed by the devil. When I got my Master's degree, I learned that it does not guarantee that I will get a job in my field, especially when the school doesn't like you. When I got into business and was successful, I learned that there is always going to be that jealous person who is not as good as you, but is in a position of authority, and will make it impossible for you to advance. When I moved to Greenville, I learned another lesson--there are no guarantees that life will be good. Maybe I was just a bit too naive, but what happened? A church leader assumed I was gay, because I have never been married. I loved many girls over my life, but they were all taken away from me. My heart has been broken so many times that it is fragmented. Each time that I take a fragment and try and put it back together, it slips away. That is what my life is about. If you think that is sad, okay. But, it is my reality. By the way, when psychiatrists have emotional problems, do they go to other psychiatrists for help? I don't think so, because it shows weakness. When ministers need help, do they go to other ministers? Sometimes, but mostly not. They don't want to admit they need help. I had friends who were ministers, and they killed themselves to avoid getting help. I have devoted my life to helping others. To make others feel happy or needed. But, when I needed help, many of those people have turned away. I know life isn't fair. I also know that the world does not revolve around me. There are others out there who are worse off than me. There are those who have problems. One of life's lessons is that this world is not a perfect place. If it was, we would all be in peace and harmony. Kind of like that old Coke commercial. But, life is not like that. Another one of life's lessons is that people are very willing to give to charity, as long as they don't have to look at it. And because it is tax-deductable. They don't want to help those that they know, or are even related to. They would rather live in a coccoon and come out at Christmas and give to those they don't know. It makes them feel good. I don't mean for this blog today to be a self-pity blog. I have written way too many of those. But, I know life isn't fair. I have learned a few things while playing Texas Hold'em Poker on Myspace. Thankfully, it is not real money, but I have learned a lot about people there. Some want to bet conservatively, as if it was in fact their money. They wait for the good hand and make the bet. Others are there to bet crazily, without regard for their hand that they are dealt. They just want to bluff you out, or have a death wish. Still others fold, whether they have a good hand or not, because they are scared what the other person has. And, then there are those who try and predict what others have, and then bet accordingly. It is like life. We are all dealt hands, and it is how we play them I betted a lot, when I moved to Greenville, and I am on the verge of losing. Because of the terrible economy, businesses can't or won't hire. Having worked at Macy's, I can tell you that many companies are not hiring to cut costs and try and get every ounce of sweat from those still there. But, that's business. And, thanks to the economy, people are not buying online from people like me as they once did. So, I am quickly running out of money. I may be broke by January 1st. I can't afford to move, although it looks like I will have to. I can't afford to get my car fixed, and I can't afford to get a new one. Life isn't fair. But, I have learned another of life's lessons while here. People, who I took for granted in Columbia, mean the world to me. I miss them so much. I wish we could all do a group hug right now. I was reminded about this, when Konnie sent me an email this morning about people in our lives, who may not be around like they were before, but still are our friends. I began to cry, because I miss Konnie. I haven't seen her in almost a year, although we have the internet. We have the phone. But, it just isn't the same. I need to come home. I need to be with my friends. If I could get a job, great. But, I need to come home. Help me. My paypal account is durst11@gmail.com, and my address is 2530 East North Street 14-L, Greenville SC 29615. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.