Drive By

I have to say up front that I do not think of myself as a stalker. I do care about people, and sometimes that is misinterpreted. I have also loved before. I got to thinking about a modus operanti that I didn't really put together about myself before. That is that I take comfort in connecting with those I care about, even though they may not be there. What do I mean? I go by places that are theirs. It also sheds light on my super shyness. Something that I try to control, but sometimes it just takes over. When I first met Pam, I fell in love. After all, she saved my life. I didn't realize until later that she was a catalyst, but at the time my brain equated her with my life. I was in high school. No girl had ever taken a real interest in me, since elementary school. I had started driving a car. She walked to and from school, which was about a mile from her house. That was before kids taking the bus everywhere. It was also not the same school as me. I would figure out when she would be walking home, and then catch a glimpse of her. I also knew where she lived, so I would ride by her house. A few times, she would see me, and ask what I was doing in her neighborhood. I was just say that I was riding around. Nevermind that my neighborhood was a couple of miles away. When I was in Texas, I had a car, but I walked everywhere. Kare's house was a block out of the way from the road I would walk from my dorm to the mall. I would take it. When she would see me and ask what I was doing on her road, I would say that it was safer than the main road. She didn't believe me, as she knew I cared for her. But, it sounded good. You see, I make excuses for my shyness. I guess I should be honest. If I was totally honest with Kare, I think I would still be with her, but I couldn't truly express my feelings. I did the same with Debbie and Wanda. I just wanted to feel close without making a committment. I don't consider it stalking, because they were my friends and knew that I cared about them. Can I say "love" instead of "care"? Sorry. It is actually the same for me. I still care. If you see me riding by your house, please don't be scared. The word "care" is inside the word "scare". Let me be scared.