Sunday, October 12, 2008

Checking In

I don't know how many people read my blog on a daily basis. I would hope that a few do. When I write this thing, I think of someone to write to, but I don't really have a target audience. I write for my own therapy. After all, it is cheaper than a psychiatrist. Some days though I think I need a therapist of some sort. There have been many days in my life that I think it would be good if I just checked out. But, there is that saying that keeps me going--suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So, I keep going. I know that life is not rosy behind closed doors. The best thing is to put a brave face on and pretend that everything is great. But, if I tell you something that might surprise you, would you feel sorry for me, or would you just dismiss it? Okay, here goes. Two weeks ago, I used the keys to get into the condo's storage basement. The keys were on a hook near the kitchen trash can. I put the keys back on the hook, after using them, and now they are gone. My roommate blames me for losing them. I don't know what happened to them. Maybe they fell in the trash. I don't know. I looked for them, but couldn't find them. I live here for free, but it is time to go. I can't stay here, when my roommate yells and wakes me up. He smokes constantly. Sometimes, he sleeps for two days during the weekend and complains he is tired during the week. I think that if he had a schedule to stick to, he would be a better person. Maybe if he exercised. I can't even carry on a conversation with him. If I ask how he is, he asks why do I ask? It is as though he is paranoid. I have appreciated this time of staying here. It has been a nice respite from the hell I lived in Columbia. The past 30 years of retail abuse has gone away. They say that if you work in retail, you can work anywhere. Nowhere in society is emotional abuse worse than in retail. I have become a much more understanding person of others after working in retail. I cannot understand my roommate. I am sorry to say that. So, to all of my Columbia friends, who might be reading this, I am begging you. PLEASE help me. I need a job, and I need a place to stay. And, if possible, I need someone who understands. I would rather check in than check out. God help us all.

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