Love

How do you know if you love someone? I used to know the answer to this question, but it has been a long time. Is it when you think about someone all the time? Is it when you lose sleep or can't eat? The problem I have had over the years has been that I tend to love those who are already attached to someone else. The one who wasn't killed herself over me, and I didn't love her. Between my extreme shyness and the need to deny my feelings, it is almost impossible to be happy. And then, if I tell someone that I love them, they usually just laugh and think I'm kidding. I guess because I try and not take things too seriously and try and make others happy, so if I am serious, they think I'm kidding. So, I think I may be going through this again. If I am, then I know how it will end. That's why I have never married. It always ends badly. I guess the other person will have to make the move. I never understood why the guy had to always be the one to ask the girl out. Why not the other way around? There is just so much pressure. We live in a liberated society, right? Sometimes, I need to be hit over the head to see things. I may have missed something somewhere along the line, when it came to girls' feelings. So, call me. I know I won't call you. I can't. I forgot how to use the phone. Friends? Yes, just friends. Nothing more serious. It never can be. I feel the walls going back up now. The walls keep me away from my true feelings. They keep me from being happy. Happy is not a word in my vocabulary. Okay, here we go with the self-pity. And, don't try and do any matchmaking. That hasn't worked either. Let me be miserable. I was asked recently if I knew anyone who was depressed. Hello? It's me. I've been around here such a long long time. Listen to the Todd Rundgren song. Then you'll understand. Sorry I wasted your time.