Always Bridesmaid

You know the saying "Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride"? At my age and never been married, some folks tend to wonder why. They start to jump to conclusions. They wonder if I am gay. They wonder if there is something wrong with me. They wonder, and then they go on with their lives. I have been blessed with a caring spirit. Ask anyone, and they will tell you how much I care about others' lives. I am someone's best friend. I am someone's brother. I am lonely. Much of it is my fault, I suppose. But, I care about others, and I live my life through theirs. I guess because my life is so boring otherwise. Others' lives are more exciting. They do stuff. They know people. They have fun. I used to have fun. But, I don't really have fun anymore. What is fun? Being with others that I love. Unfortunately, most never knew how I felt. Why? No guts. Fear of rejection. Shy. The walls were too high. Didn't know how. Oh, the excuses are endless. No, they are not excuses. They are reasons. At least, they are in my mind. My screwed up mind. My creative mind. I must say that without all of the lost loves that I have had over my life, I wouldn't have been able to write such good songs. Right, Chris? You know us suffering artists. Okay, here I go into my self-pity mode again. Sorry, it isn't my normal funny self. It isn't the person you see who cares about others and their situations. Maybe, it is because it is raining today. Rain affects people's moods. That is a scientific fact. But, I am at a stage in my life, where I care about others, and it would be nice if they care about me. I suppose some do, but on what level? As a friend? As a brother? Or, are people so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't see? See me? Some people care. Others accept being cared about. Still others just blow me off. There is no money in caring. In some respects I think of myself as a reincarnation of Vincent Van Gogh. If you don't understand, research him. No, I am not gay, contrary to what some Baptists might think. My excuse is that I haven't found the right person, but that's not true. I found many right people. I cared. I just never had the guts to say anything, and off they went. Some day. Maybe, when I am reincarnated again. Stay tuned.