Missing Loves

It's Monday, and that means it is self-pity day. It actually doesn't mean that. I just made that up. If I ever become President, and that's not going to happen unless everybody else dies, I will make Monday--Self-Pity Day. It will be a day when everyone will be self-centered, retrospective, and just plain whiney. So, allow me to express my observation. Just about everyone that I have loved, or have been interested in, have either been married or attached to someone else. There have been a couple who weren't, but most were. Of course, I cannot express my feelings one on one. It is a character flaw. I have no problem putting it in writing. If I do say it to the person, they just laugh. I can never be serious, even if I want to. Usually, women think of me as their good friend or the brother they never had. I can not be their lover. Why? I have never understood that. I would not want to be the one who broke up a marriage. And, I don't want to be beaten to a pulp by the other guy. So, I spend a lot of time wishing about what could have been or might be. I am not going to name names of the ones who fit into this category. It would be a bit of embarrassment for them. However, let's just say I am still single. There are a lot of lucky guys out there, who hooked up with the girls I loved. If the guys had known, I would have probably been everyone's Best Man at their weddings. And if any lady ever actually believed me that I loved them, without thinking I was kidding, I would just be rejected. "I love you as a friend". How many times have I heard that? Am I happy with my personal life? No. I am happy that others are.

Explo '72

I was a freshman at Anderson College and got involved in Campus Crusade for Christ. It was a good organization that believed in converting as many people as possible to Christianity. I went to a few meetings at other schools, primarily Clemson. They had a national convention in Dallas in June of 1972, and I went to that along with a few others from my school. We went by bus from Greenville. There were students from Furman, Clemson and Anderson on the bus, which went all night before arriving in Dallas. We stayed at a motel in Arlington TX, which is where our meetings were. There were people from all over the world there. We had meetings in the mornings; usually our afternoons were free; and we had a general meeting/worship at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas every night. We saw Andrae Crouch, Danny Lee, Tim Hardin, Barry McGuire, Billy Graham, Bill Bright, and many more. One afternoon, we all got together (100,000 of us) and blanketed the Dallas metropolitan area witnessing to others. The idea was that if we all witnessed to 8 people, we could bring Dallas to God. It was a nice idea, but it didn't quite work. I went with a girl to houses in the area. We only found one woman home, but we prayed with her, and she seemed receptive. The students from Anderson were all staying at a three-bedroom suite at a motel. One night, we got back from the Cotton Bowl, and I opened the door and found some young kids sleeping in the front bedroom. I didn't think much of it, and went on back to my bedroom and found a man and woman sleeping in my bed. None of them woke up. I went outside and told another guy that there were people in our room. He thought I was kidding, and he went in to find the same thing. We went to the motel office, and the clerk said that they had moved us out of our room and into a smaller room, because a larger party needed a place to stay. The weird part was that they took polaroids of where our stuff was in our bedrooms and bathrooms, and placed them in the new room in the exact same place. Talk about deja vu. We could have killed all of the other family in the old room, as none of them woke up, when we were in there. At he end of the conference, they had a music festival in downtown Dallas. Johnny Cash and Billy Graham were there. I talked to one of the girls from our group. She was majoring in music, but after talking to her, she decided to major in psychology to help people like me. I have that affect on women. We got on the bus and headed back to SC. It was my birthday (June 17th). We stopped in Atlanta at the bus station, and by now it was the 18th. On the news was a story about a break-in at the Watergate Hotel and offices of the Democratic Party. I remember thinking how stupid that was. Little did I know what was to happen over the next two years, and how it would affect American politics. Explo '72 was a life changing event on several levels. I'm glad I went. It was a combination of "Jesus People" and hippies. One Way.

Migraines

Another issue with me is that I suffer from migraines. Some of them knock me on my butt, while others are mild enough to just make me feel bad. I have had them since I was a kid, and my parents told me that it was because I am so creative. It seems that the more creative you are, the more attacks on your brain come. I am not saying that those of you that don't have migraines are not creative. It just seems that being creative and having migraines have something in common. Sometimes I can go for months without having one, while other times I can have some frequently. It is sort of like playing Russian Rhoulette as to what will trigger a migraine. Some triggers work all the time, while others work only some of the time. So, what are my triggers? Stress, getting too hot, bright light, little sleep, stagnant air, sleeping wrong, eye strain, or a combination of some things. So, why can't I just avoid these things? As I said, some things can occur, but I do not get the headaches. You just never know. I have found that, after I have left Macy's, the headaches have not been as frequent. Figure that one out. I don't want to advertise anything specifically, but Advil Migraine pills seem to work, although they tend to knock me out. Headon for Migraines do okay too, especially if I catch it early. I used to take prescription drugs, but I don't anymore. I remember my mother telling me not to eat ice cream during a migraine. I am not sure why. She used to give me a cool towel to put on my head. It was soothing. Hot baths also work, or at least they make feel better. I love hot baths. So, this situation is just something I have to live with. If you are lucky enough not to have this problem, I envy you. I think a loving hug helps too, but unfortunately I don't have anyone to do that to me, at least not yet.

The Zoo

In another way to figure me out, you have to look at the zoo. I love going to the zoo. I guess it started at an early age in New Orleans, when we would go to the Audubon Park Zoo. It was a special time as a kid to see the animals that I had only read about in books. As I have grown older, I have been to several different zoos. It is a place to go to chill out. It is an oasis from the troubles of life. When I lived in Fort Worth, I used to go to their zoo, which was not too far from where I lived. In fact, when the wind was right, I could smell the zoo. Their zoo was not as pretty as others, but the animals seemed content, which led me to be content too. I went to the Berlin Zoo in 1973. It was more of a park, but it was located near the downtown area. I will talk about it more later, during my 35th anniversary memories on Europe coming up in about a week or so. Here in Greenville, there is a zoo. It is kind of small, but they have some nice animals, mostly either from the US or Africa. You can go through it in less than 30 minutes, and it is rather hilly, so be prepared for that. My favorite zoo is Riverbanks in Columbia. It is big. There are a lot of animals, and a good variety. My brother was responsible for getting the koalas there, by making overtures to Australia. When I was smaller, I had a "relationship" with Happy the Tiger who was the first resident of the zoo. Happy was the patron saint of the zoo, and all of the Columbia schoolkids knew Happy very well. Happy died and is buried at the zoo. There are bears, gorillas, giraffes, fish, birds, lions, monkeys, and so much more. The zoo is a happy place (pun intended). There used to be a polar bear. It would swim in its pond, and you could go down below the pond and see him through glass. One day, the glass broke. I am glad I wasn't there that day. The bear went away. They also have a garden at Riverbanks with flowers. It is very pretty. There are a lot of zoos I have not been to and hope to one day. I used to work at a zoo called Columbia Mall, but that's another story.

Style and Class

As you know, I have never married. There are a lot of reasons for that, but one of them is that I think my standards are a bit high. In looking for psychological reasons, one may be because of my obsession for beauty. Even as a child, I used to watch beauty pageants on TV and pick the winner. I was pretty good at that. I also saw pretty actresses get the guys. I saw pretty girls at my school get the guys. I wasn't very handsome, despite what my mother told me. Girls were just not too interested in me. In my quest for love, I came up with my criteria for what to look for in a girl. She needs to be attractive. That is a bit subjective. I don't want to alienate anyone or suggest that beauty is too important, but I think it would be good if she is pleasing to the eye. Another quality is sense of humor. I have a rather bizarre sense of humor. It is somewhat dry and quick. She needs to understand my humor and be funny herself. She also needs to be somewhat intelligent. I don't need a Mensa member, but I don't need an airhead either. I just need someone who can carry on a conversation. Lastly, there is the words "style" and "class". What does that mean? It may be the reason why I am not married. I know it, when I see it. She needs to be someone who is confident, without being stuck-up. She must have an air about her. An ambience. Looking back on my girlfriends, they all had some of those qualities, but not quite all. I think Wanda might have come the closest. But, I can't really compare one to another. Each one had their own sense of style. I have no regrets about any of them. As I get older, it may become a bit easier because of current situations. Women are getting divorced. Spouses leave or die. It is the reality of age and situation. I can no longer think about going out with someone under 30, not that there is anything wrong with that. It is just that I am getting older, and I need to think of someone who can identify with my life's experience. For example, she needs to know that Paul McCartney was in The Beatles, not just Wings or had a bad divorce with Heather Mills. So, as I go on in life, I hope she is out there. I think she is. She just needs to know me. I think she does. Some things need to change before that happens. Maybe one day.

Anticipation Part 2

Okay, I stayed here all day yesterday, except for a quick trip to the post office. I washed clothes, so I could stick around waiting for my UPS package. They had called and gave me a tracking number. They said I needed to be present to sign for it, so it seemed rather important. It was to be delivered by 7pm. Once during the day, I saw the UPS truck drive by, so I thought that it was in the neighborhood. So, when 7pm came and no package, I went online to run the tracking number and found that the package had been delivered at 5:15pm and signed for. Well, guess what? It wasn't me. So, I called UPS. First, I got a recording and I spoke the tracking number. They told me what address it had been delivered to, which was about 5 miles from here. So, I wanted to speak to a real person. There wasn't an option on the menu for that. I think there is now, after I yelled "I want to speak to a real person!!!!" I got a real person. It was obvious that they had dialed the wrong number to call to say I was getting a package and gave me a tracking number. I explained to them that I had stayed here all day waiting for a non-existant package. They apologized. I told them that perhaps, when they make that call, they need to use the customer's name, so we could figure it out if it was meant for the person called or not. The package was not meant for me. I wasn't expecting a package from UPS. But, I can't tell you the number of things I thought about as to why I would be getting a UPS package that required a signature. A wasted day yesterday. At least, I have clean clothes.

Anticipation

I got a phone call last night from UPS. A recorded message says that I will get a package requiring signature on Tuesday and gives me a tracking number. First of all, I don't know what I am getting. Secondly, the voice says they can't give me a time frame of delivery, just that it will be between 8am-7pm. So, I guess I'll be here all day, or at least until it comes. I tried to imput the tracking number into the UPS website, but it didn't work. I guess I copied it down wrong. I suppose I could go about my day and risk being here when the guy comes, but maybe it is something good that I don't want to miss. Maybe it's a million dollars. Yeah, right. I can count on one hand the number of times I have gotten something from UPS. Usually, things come via US Mail. It is just so much easier. So, to all those people who were expecting me to mail things to you that you have bought from me, you'll just have to wait, because I am waiting on the UPS truck to come. Good luck to us all.